Remember the Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff phase? What stuff am I supposed to sweat? The big stuff? Well, the small stuff is what makes or breaks my life. I seem to go into a different mode when The Big Stuff happens (and writing that makes me pause because what if I haven’t had to navigate Big Stuff? Is there a scale? ) I get into a zone, I slow down, I am intentional. I don’t know if it’s training, personality or maybe that this constant anxiety I carry, in Big Stuff Moments, has a purpose and it feels like a relief?
So, I am lucky/unlucky to see and feel the small stuff. Ask me to stop and get you slurpees after practice, after your brother waited so patiently for you to be done with practice to go shopping for a bday gift for the twins? Makes me wanna cry. Because I want to say no, because no. Just no. But it really isn’t that big of a deal and your brother probably wants one too. So I say yes and it’s fine but that moment before I don’t sweat it is rough and there may be tears because your ask is constant but small.
It’s balanced by the small stuff that fills my tank, like finding a great deal on Marketplace and having the seller get you when you say you were insomnia scrolling FTW and you share 10 seconds of menopause camaraderie.
And then you begin to wonder if all this thought and frustration is menopause and it will get better but realize this is how you’ve always been.
So here it is. The place I will off load my thoughts that isn’t Facebook. If you found this, that’s cool. I am not exciting but I am real. I hope it resonates and offers you space to be who you are without hesitation.
The Beech House 